Snow

I've been the girl who hated snow for a long time. I really have. I hated cold and ice and everything that went with it. I insisted on being mad and pouty every time the winter season came around, feeling somehow entitled to my misery because it made me shiver and stay inside.

I was fully expecting to be the same this year, miserable in bed just waiting for the first spring melt before I would allow myself to even smile again.

But something happened. I'm not quite sure what. I think I'm okay with life now!

Sitting at work, waiting for customers to come in, I stared outside at the constant snow. And I realized how beautiful it was. It was fresh and pure and crisp and new. I wanted to go out and run around in it. Of course, I couldn't, I was working a double shift, but I watched it all day and into the night. It kept getting deeper and deeper and fell in bigger and bigger flakes. All I could think of was getting off work to go run in it, stomp boots into the whiteness. What!?! Me liking the snow? Unheard of.

Somehow, slowly, I am changing. My inner person is becoming steadier. Nothing important happened, nothing memorable. I'm just simply adjusting to the simple fact of "this is your life." Its one life in a million lives, one little voice. Life is what it is, just living. Its okay if I'm not spending every second changing the world. I don't have to be impatient with the uselessness of another week of homework. Things are a process, a slow growth. The process isn't horrible, because everything just isn't as intense as I was trying to make it. Daily routine is alright, not something to loathe. Little things can be enjoyed. Little things don't have to drive you crazy. Its a bigger picture. A bit of perspective.

Bottom line, its okay.

And snow is really pretty.

Song Of The Day

Charlie

by

Ingrid Michaelson

I feel like we need something happy now, its been awhile. But I'm feeling kind of loserly, so...Oh, I've got it!

My first love in Indie was Ingrid Michaelson. Her unusual cadence, simple and quirky lyric, and sweet melodies thrilled me.

Here's a song about feeling loserly, like Charlie Brown. It even has a Charlie Brown feel piano in the background...so creative and cute!

click here to listen to Charlie

Something Beautiful Of The Day

This something beautiful is kind of sad. Heath Ledger had the beginning of what could be a gorgeous human being, both inside and outside. He was thoughtful, sensitive, and tender hearted. He had the sweetest smile, and a beautiful face and body. He had acting talent that blew thousands of movie watchers, directors, and critics away.

After watching the movie Knight's Tale, I practically fell in love with him. It was only a few horrible months later, however, Heath was found dead in his apartment, an overdose of over-the-counter drugs. I do not believe his death was suicide, but rather the resulting effect from a life of bad choices. He chose his friends, his movie roles, girlfriends, everything foolishly. I'm so sorry!

Still, I love to imagine what he could have been. He was so young; not even thirty years old! What kind of magnificent actor could he have been if had made good choices, given his beauty and talents to making uplifting and thoughtful films.

Please, make good choices, everyone!

Song Of The Day

Regina Spektor

Laughing With

This song is absolutely incredible. One of my favorites of all time-ad that is huge from me! The lyrics are thoughtful and sobering, the melody is gripping, the voice is haunting and gorgeous.

This link is to the video, which is interesting and artistic as well.

I do hope you all enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rov3pV9PsRI

Song of thanks

I don't write poems anymore. I feel like everything that can be said has already been said in 30 different creative ways, and if I tried to add my voice, it would only increase the noise.

I don't like noise.

That said, my mother thinks that's very sad. She urges me to continue to write poems, and I usually just brush her off. This time, however, she specificially asked me I write her a thanksgiving friend to send out to all our elderly friends. That I was willing to do: it didn't have to attempt to be artsy and original, just a cute and simple greeting-card style rhyme.

I threw this out in a couple of minutes.

And in honor of Thanksgiving and my mother, here it is:

thanksgiving is an action,

it shouldn't be a noun,

it shouldn't be a day a year

it should be frequent found

a holiday for thanking,

a virtuous idea indeed,

but wouldn't it be better?

if assigned we didn't need?

for just one day special,

to give all of your thanks,

leaves 364 days lacking,

which obviously stanks

if i could have my way,

i think it would be right

thanksgiving would be always-

every day and every night

If 98% of the world is stupid, and 98% of the world doesn't like you, its OK!

I'm a big personality. Lots to handle. One of my best friends has a nickname for me: Blunt Girl. Its a very accurate. I'm bold and honest and extremely open. Match that with my friendliness and interest in others, and I can be quite a handful!

Because I'm so "big", I'm also on the recieving end of extremes in emotion. Some people absolutely love me, others can't stand me. The ones who couldn't stand me upset me horribly. I wanted absolutely everyone to love me; and when I found they didn't, I was quite distressed. I tend to be a pessimist, so if I realize I'm unliked, I immediately assume its me in the wrong. I must be annoying, frustrating, anything. Thus, I found myself often hurt, and sure there was something wrong with me.

I hate most people. Most people are just stupid. If you ask me, about 98% of the world is stupid. They are blind, shallow followers who don't open their eyes to the amazingness of the world around them. They settle for less, and don't even bother to look beyond the color of their chucks and how many sugars in their Starbucks. It just makes me mad!

Everyone wants to be accepted and looked up to, and so they follow someone they think is cool. Who is following someone they think is cool. Who is following someone they think is cool. Who is following Britney Spears. Who is running into a wall. I hate it!

I'd never connected these two thoughts in my head before, but my friend did yesterday. (Many apologies to those noticing that my "good ideas" typically come from others-I'm just not that smart!) Why should I get so hurt when people don't like me, if they're in the 98% that are stupid people anyway!

That seems really obvious, right? Somehow, I never saw it. But its wonderful because its just so freeing-- I don't have to be so hurt and concerned that there's something wrong with me, I can just say "whatever, I'm not on your Stupid Person train." and keep going! Its utterly lovely.

Just to share with any other discouraged people out there who are letting their personalities be tampered with. The masses are dumb, and your person should not be held to their ideas.

Movie Review: Grey Gardens

Grey Gardens

Starring:

Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore

In some strange way, I really liked this movie. It was so eccentric, it was almost beautiful...except for the fact it was so pathetic it made you hurt inside. Grey Gardens is the name of the estate Big Edie and Little Edie, aunt and niece of Jackie O, live at. They begin the movie full of life and spunk, though often they don't make a lot of sense. Little Edie, especially, is so quirky its almost hard to believe she could be a real character. Drew is somehow luminous despite Little Edie's insanity, and plays her character phenomenally.

The ladies are painful to watch. They're blind, silly women, and half of me was furious with them. But on the other hand...somehow...on the other hand, they are so original. Maybe it was their love for music, or their ridiculous flamboyant outfits. You can't hep but care about them.

Its a crumbling story that follows Big and Little Edie as their lives absolutely disintegrate. Nothing ever really happens- in fact, most of the movie they stay hidden away in Grey Gardens as it turns into a hell hole. They are stuck in the past, stuck with their hurts, and not even sure how to honestly help each other. Big Edie's cheating husband separates from her, and Little Edie cannot find a man she loves more than she loves dancing (which, by the way, she is sadly and sweetly horrible at). As they both go into old age, eccentric is really the only way to describe them.

Three things make this movie fascinating: One, it is a true story, based on all events of these women's lives and a documentary made about them. If it had not been real, it would have been ridiculous. But the fact that it was real made it heartwrenching. Two, the music is tender and old fashioned and whimsical. I absolutely loved the soundtrack-it was so emotional, and so fitting. Some of the best scenes are Big Edie singing, and begging Little Edie to "soft shoe." Finally, I loved the crazy bravery of Little Edie. Her facial espressions, movements, talking voice, ideas, outfits-everything was just a little off. It was captivating.

Its over, and I still can't tell you if I loved it or hated it. But watch it- i promise its strangely moving, and it'll give you plenty to think about, and some sweet melodies.