The shame, and all

Its a shame to be sort of lazy
sort of really low energy-
sort of no interest in helping-
it really is a shame.

I should pull myself up
by the imaginary bootstraps
force myeslf into a coat
and push myself out the door

I could combat these accusations

I should slap myself into wakefulness
stuff a book between my fingers
demand attention from my brain
and bloodflow from my heart

And combat these accusations

Becaues it really is a shame to be sort of lazy-
no, it really is, because lazy people do nothing
they have nothing to offer-
because they dont' really bother with anything-
they're lazy, you know.

I've always thought it a shame.
But that's about as far as I ever thought about it,
the shame and all.
because I never quite have been able
to pull and force and push
and slap and stuff and demand
my body into submission

Yes, it really is a shame to be lazy.
I cannot combat these accusations.


copywrite 2009

Happy Christmas

Kevin told me that if he was manager he'd get me in trouble for writing "Merry Christmas" instead of "happy holidays" on the customer's bills when they finish eating. I told him I wasn't forcing them to do anything, and if they wanted to get mad and take it out of my tip, so be it.

I've never been a big christmassy person. Never hugely excited over the season, I hate the cold and I hate the pressure and rules that come with it. Presents for Uncles and Aunts you ONLY see on holidays, who who have absolutely everything you could ever want? Who thought up that tradition?

In my darkest days (ahem, the last, ahem, couple of years) I annouced viciously that I hated Christmas. That isn't true, and it never was. The idea of christmas is absolutely lovely. It's just what happened to it. Now I have relaxed a little, I don't make a fuss over the pressures and stress and announce my dislike. Its still not a favorite of mine, though. Maybe someday it will be. I look forward to then.

Being that I'm not fond of the season, I'm also not fond of the radio replaying the same ten christms ditties over and over and over and over and OVER! It always drives me crazy. I mean, really, the FIRST rendition of "Rockin' Round the Christmas Tree" was enough! My whole family loves it, though, so I heard it 234 times, like usual.

However, there are a few songs in honor of christmas that really move me. I the beautiful ones honoring God's gift to mankind. I still appreciate that.

Here's a special one, never overplayed, about the first christmas. I learned it on guitar and played it for our relatives last year, everyone was touched. I hope you are too.

The Angels Cried.

Merry Christmas.

Song Of The Day

Gracie

By

Ben Folds

Ben Folds is an absolutely fascinating person. Very, very strange, yes; but fascinating. His music is creative and original, blending curious lyrics with catchy piano. He's one of the most brilliant songwriters I know.

Gracie is just one of his many superb songs, written about his little daughter. It really touches me. Unfortunately, Ben has been married multiple times (Hopefully he has not yet divorced his fourth...), so the beauty of him and his wife watching little Gracie grow is rather messed up for me.

Still, this is a great song. Enjoy. If you like it, I can recommend others!

Gracie

Disturbed

So, here I go again, taking things internally.

I have seen a picture, and it is torturing me.

I always browse through the style section of a newspaper, because there is where all the information about people and arts are. One picture jumped out at me. I couldn't look away from it, but then again I couldn't stand to look at it.

There were several pictures, all distressing. This is the mildest one...The rest were even more grotesque.

What is it about this girl that makes her so fascinating and disgusting? Its just mud on a face and a bloody mouth. But no, something about the distress in her eyes and her partially open mouth is just crushing to me.

This, I see, and I do not get out. It follows me and stays with me. I want to talk to the girl. I want to talk to the artist. I want to understand. Why? Why represent such a horrible image? What is in her mind? What is it about it I am so absolutely fascinated to? Why so eye catching?

I apologize if this gives anyone nightmares. But I wondered how others would think about it, or if this just goes back to the Oversensitivity Judges and me.

If anyone else is interested at looking at the rest of her bizarreness, the photographer has her own blog you're welcome to visit and try to understand:

http://victoriafgaitan.blogspot.com/

Song Of The Day

Stars Go Blue

by......

Apparently, today's song has LOTS of versions! Its a gorgeous song, and I couldn't quite decide which was the very best, so I decided to offer several and let you choose. Let me know what's the prettiest to you!

The words have beautiful images, I love to imagine the song as he sings. What he's really talking about, I'm not sure though, it seems to be up for commentary. What do you understand about the lyrics?

Enjoy this poetic and pretty piece!

Ryan Adams Original

Ryan Adams is the one who wrote the song and originally performed it. Personally, I don't like his voice very much. Seems like it was featured on the tv show One Tree Hill and gained popularity from that.

Girl Guy Duet

I think this may be my favorite. Apparently, these are two Norwegian artists. I think the girl is so pretty and her voice is sweet.

The Corrs and Bono duet

Another popular version. I like the Corrs part, but I've never been a huge fan of Bono.

Tim McGraw Country version

This is the version I was originally familiar with. I really love it. Blake Lewis did a cover of Tim's version on American Idol, so I think most people are also familiar with this version.

Oversensitivity Judges

And so I walked handcuffed into the waiting room

of the Oversensitivity Judges.

I sat in an iron chair,

and stared at the others.

The woman across from me in all black, with chains and some kind of metal going through her face, and her mascara tears dripped off her sharp cheekbones.

The man with the narrow nose sat with his arms crossed and head in the air.

The little girl nursed her bloody knee.

And we waited for our names to be called.

And when my name was called, I listened to my every footstep on the plastic floor.

Someone opened the door

I looked into the camber

of the Oversensitivity Judges.

At the end of a long table.

They were dressed in brown plaid suits, and they were wearing spats.

Every last one of them was balding, even the one woman and her crumbly lipstick.

"Ah." they said, universally, as they looked at me.

"Well," I began, in a wax voice, "I am hurt by my friends."

"Ah." They said, universally, as they looked at each other.

"Oversensitive!" One screamed.

I wanted to take off my handcuffs and cover my face and ears.

"Oversensitive" the others echoed universally.

"But you don't know what my friends did!" My wax voice was melting.

"You let your friends hurt you." Said the only woman in crumbly lipstick.

"And that is simply

Oversensitive." Said another.

"Dismissed." said the only man that wasn't white, I think he was Filipino.

Someone took off my handcuffs.

Someone slapped the big red word OVERSENSITIVE on my back,

and sent me out into the streets.

Understanding Kate

Do you know what I hate? What I really really, absolutely, just cannot stand. Its helplessness. No really, that's it. I hate the feeling of helplessness. That sensation that spreads over you and lands like a pile of mud in the pit of your stomach, heavy and dense and disgusting.

When I know I really just can't do anything about something- that this is the way it is and I don't know how to change it, I feel like I'm going crazy inside. I really can't express what it is, inside of me gets so jittery and and pressured and I literally feel like my body's exploding. The helplessness of it pounds inside my head behind my eyeballs, and punches me from inside my chest.

I've had so many of those moments recently! And they've all been little, but they feel so massive to me.

The night before finals, I my textbook disappeared. I cleared out every inch of my house searching for it, but as I sat in the middle of my upturned floor at 3:30 am, I knew I wasn't going to find it. I was going to head into a final without any preparation whatsoever, and there was nothing I could do about it. I wanted to scream.

One of my friends is always being told his gay, so I told him about my other friend who everyone says was gay. Neither of them are, and I was encouraging him not to be discouraged. However, I was being an idiot about it and said, pretty loudly "yeah, everyone here thinks he's gay. Like, everyone, I was the only one who fought for him." Guess who was standing behind me? It was the most sickening feeling-what was that going to do to our friendship?

I hate not having any control over a moment. Knowing what happened, happened, and there's nothing you can do to change it. It upsets me to the very worsest degree.

Something Beautiful Of The Day

Today's something beautiful is actually a video. It's absolutely darling and seeing it, I can't help but smiling.

The little boy is so precious.

I know this has kind of exploded online, so maybe you've already seen it on youtube...but if you haven't, get ready for a treat!!

see the little boy sing here!

Song Of The Day

Go Ahead

by

Rilo Kiley

Rilo Kiley, lead singer Jenny Lewis, has been a popular underground band for several years now. Their most popular song is probably Silver Lining, which, by the way, is also absolutely amazing.

They're strange people, very blunt and hard edged in both their music lyrics and their real life viewpoints. Jenny and Blake Sennett, the male voice that can be heard in some of the songs, were both child actors. Neither of them got famous, Jenny was in the popular nineties "tween babysitter" film Troop Beverly Hills.

The name Rilo Kiley comes from a dream Blake had about being chased by a sports almanac (?) and finding that name inside.

Listen to "Go Ahead" here!

Discipline

So lately I've been thinking about discipline. I like to think of myself as a person with self control, but when it comes right down to it, I have to acknowledge I have very little.

I hate that about me.

Okay, I live on a farm. Its not a working farm, but we have some random animals, and in my fantastical imagination of Farmgirl Kate, I go out in the snow and rain to feed the chickens, lug 10 gallon buckets of water out to the pens, and pull weeds in the blazing sun. The truth is, I rarely help out with animal chores. And if I do, I complain about the effort.

I'm naturally a very fit person. I'm really thin and have toned arms and legs and that little line down my stomach that's the beginning of a six pack. So, in my fantastical imagination of Healthy Kate, I have physical ability and strength. I'm capable of physical effort, carrying heavy items or running a couple of miles. The truth is, I am out of breath after climbing stairs. And I've never been able to make myself actually stick to an exercise routine for more than a week.

I love music. I always have. I want to be able to play an instrument very badly. I have all the equipment to learn both guitar and piano-and even access to people who could help me. I've begun to learn countless times. My eagerness lasts a few practice sessions, and then I get discouraged by my lack of progress and give up. I've never held to it.

And then I look at people dairy farmers waking to milk at 4:30 daily, Olympians who spend hours a day pressing their bodies, musicians who devote their life to the perfection of playing their instrument. I get so furious! These people have disciplined their bodies to do what is best long run, ignoring the pain or frustration of the moment. They look straight past that to the future, to the resulting effects, and keep on pressing. They force themselves, no questions asked, no room for complaint. I'm envious of them. Their strength, their control, their ability. These are the people that change the world.

These are the people who make the difference.

These are the people who have the power.

What do they do? What is their secret? What is behind that drive?

If I could have any talent or skill in the whole world, it would simply be that: discipline.

But I have no clue how to get it.

Snow

I've been the girl who hated snow for a long time. I really have. I hated cold and ice and everything that went with it. I insisted on being mad and pouty every time the winter season came around, feeling somehow entitled to my misery because it made me shiver and stay inside.

I was fully expecting to be the same this year, miserable in bed just waiting for the first spring melt before I would allow myself to even smile again.

But something happened. I'm not quite sure what. I think I'm okay with life now!

Sitting at work, waiting for customers to come in, I stared outside at the constant snow. And I realized how beautiful it was. It was fresh and pure and crisp and new. I wanted to go out and run around in it. Of course, I couldn't, I was working a double shift, but I watched it all day and into the night. It kept getting deeper and deeper and fell in bigger and bigger flakes. All I could think of was getting off work to go run in it, stomp boots into the whiteness. What!?! Me liking the snow? Unheard of.

Somehow, slowly, I am changing. My inner person is becoming steadier. Nothing important happened, nothing memorable. I'm just simply adjusting to the simple fact of "this is your life." Its one life in a million lives, one little voice. Life is what it is, just living. Its okay if I'm not spending every second changing the world. I don't have to be impatient with the uselessness of another week of homework. Things are a process, a slow growth. The process isn't horrible, because everything just isn't as intense as I was trying to make it. Daily routine is alright, not something to loathe. Little things can be enjoyed. Little things don't have to drive you crazy. Its a bigger picture. A bit of perspective.

Bottom line, its okay.

And snow is really pretty.

Song Of The Day

Charlie

by

Ingrid Michaelson

I feel like we need something happy now, its been awhile. But I'm feeling kind of loserly, so...Oh, I've got it!

My first love in Indie was Ingrid Michaelson. Her unusual cadence, simple and quirky lyric, and sweet melodies thrilled me.

Here's a song about feeling loserly, like Charlie Brown. It even has a Charlie Brown feel piano in the background...so creative and cute!

click here to listen to Charlie

Something Beautiful Of The Day

This something beautiful is kind of sad. Heath Ledger had the beginning of what could be a gorgeous human being, both inside and outside. He was thoughtful, sensitive, and tender hearted. He had the sweetest smile, and a beautiful face and body. He had acting talent that blew thousands of movie watchers, directors, and critics away.

After watching the movie Knight's Tale, I practically fell in love with him. It was only a few horrible months later, however, Heath was found dead in his apartment, an overdose of over-the-counter drugs. I do not believe his death was suicide, but rather the resulting effect from a life of bad choices. He chose his friends, his movie roles, girlfriends, everything foolishly. I'm so sorry!

Still, I love to imagine what he could have been. He was so young; not even thirty years old! What kind of magnificent actor could he have been if had made good choices, given his beauty and talents to making uplifting and thoughtful films.

Please, make good choices, everyone!

Song Of The Day

Regina Spektor

Laughing With

This song is absolutely incredible. One of my favorites of all time-ad that is huge from me! The lyrics are thoughtful and sobering, the melody is gripping, the voice is haunting and gorgeous.

This link is to the video, which is interesting and artistic as well.

I do hope you all enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rov3pV9PsRI

Song of thanks

I don't write poems anymore. I feel like everything that can be said has already been said in 30 different creative ways, and if I tried to add my voice, it would only increase the noise.

I don't like noise.

That said, my mother thinks that's very sad. She urges me to continue to write poems, and I usually just brush her off. This time, however, she specificially asked me I write her a thanksgiving friend to send out to all our elderly friends. That I was willing to do: it didn't have to attempt to be artsy and original, just a cute and simple greeting-card style rhyme.

I threw this out in a couple of minutes.

And in honor of Thanksgiving and my mother, here it is:

thanksgiving is an action,

it shouldn't be a noun,

it shouldn't be a day a year

it should be frequent found

a holiday for thanking,

a virtuous idea indeed,

but wouldn't it be better?

if assigned we didn't need?

for just one day special,

to give all of your thanks,

leaves 364 days lacking,

which obviously stanks

if i could have my way,

i think it would be right

thanksgiving would be always-

every day and every night

If 98% of the world is stupid, and 98% of the world doesn't like you, its OK!

I'm a big personality. Lots to handle. One of my best friends has a nickname for me: Blunt Girl. Its a very accurate. I'm bold and honest and extremely open. Match that with my friendliness and interest in others, and I can be quite a handful!

Because I'm so "big", I'm also on the recieving end of extremes in emotion. Some people absolutely love me, others can't stand me. The ones who couldn't stand me upset me horribly. I wanted absolutely everyone to love me; and when I found they didn't, I was quite distressed. I tend to be a pessimist, so if I realize I'm unliked, I immediately assume its me in the wrong. I must be annoying, frustrating, anything. Thus, I found myself often hurt, and sure there was something wrong with me.

I hate most people. Most people are just stupid. If you ask me, about 98% of the world is stupid. They are blind, shallow followers who don't open their eyes to the amazingness of the world around them. They settle for less, and don't even bother to look beyond the color of their chucks and how many sugars in their Starbucks. It just makes me mad!

Everyone wants to be accepted and looked up to, and so they follow someone they think is cool. Who is following someone they think is cool. Who is following someone they think is cool. Who is following Britney Spears. Who is running into a wall. I hate it!

I'd never connected these two thoughts in my head before, but my friend did yesterday. (Many apologies to those noticing that my "good ideas" typically come from others-I'm just not that smart!) Why should I get so hurt when people don't like me, if they're in the 98% that are stupid people anyway!

That seems really obvious, right? Somehow, I never saw it. But its wonderful because its just so freeing-- I don't have to be so hurt and concerned that there's something wrong with me, I can just say "whatever, I'm not on your Stupid Person train." and keep going! Its utterly lovely.

Just to share with any other discouraged people out there who are letting their personalities be tampered with. The masses are dumb, and your person should not be held to their ideas.

Movie Review: Grey Gardens

Grey Gardens

Starring:

Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore

In some strange way, I really liked this movie. It was so eccentric, it was almost beautiful...except for the fact it was so pathetic it made you hurt inside. Grey Gardens is the name of the estate Big Edie and Little Edie, aunt and niece of Jackie O, live at. They begin the movie full of life and spunk, though often they don't make a lot of sense. Little Edie, especially, is so quirky its almost hard to believe she could be a real character. Drew is somehow luminous despite Little Edie's insanity, and plays her character phenomenally.

The ladies are painful to watch. They're blind, silly women, and half of me was furious with them. But on the other hand...somehow...on the other hand, they are so original. Maybe it was their love for music, or their ridiculous flamboyant outfits. You can't hep but care about them.

Its a crumbling story that follows Big and Little Edie as their lives absolutely disintegrate. Nothing ever really happens- in fact, most of the movie they stay hidden away in Grey Gardens as it turns into a hell hole. They are stuck in the past, stuck with their hurts, and not even sure how to honestly help each other. Big Edie's cheating husband separates from her, and Little Edie cannot find a man she loves more than she loves dancing (which, by the way, she is sadly and sweetly horrible at). As they both go into old age, eccentric is really the only way to describe them.

Three things make this movie fascinating: One, it is a true story, based on all events of these women's lives and a documentary made about them. If it had not been real, it would have been ridiculous. But the fact that it was real made it heartwrenching. Two, the music is tender and old fashioned and whimsical. I absolutely loved the soundtrack-it was so emotional, and so fitting. Some of the best scenes are Big Edie singing, and begging Little Edie to "soft shoe." Finally, I loved the crazy bravery of Little Edie. Her facial espressions, movements, talking voice, ideas, outfits-everything was just a little off. It was captivating.

Its over, and I still can't tell you if I loved it or hated it. But watch it- i promise its strangely moving, and it'll give you plenty to think about, and some sweet melodies.

Single

I hate to be alone. I really do. I hate to admit it, because I feel like any self-respecting gypsy would love to be alone, and I hate to admit I'm not a gypsy. But I really don't like it. A feeling of weird emptiness gets into me, I get a bit frantic. I can't settle my mind when I'm alone, it flies all over the place.

I get inspired with a million ideas I can't do by myself, and find something to stop me from anyting i could attempt to do alone..

I'm alone right now, and as usual, perfectly lost. I've cleaned my room, checked Facebook and The Sartorialist, then went to play guitar (excuse to avoid: no tuner), then to go sew (excuse to avoid: sewing scissors missing). I'm tempted to actually go watch TV, which I've prolly only done two or three times in my life, just because I need the company of a voice.

I'm not sure what that says about me, but I'm sure its not good. Everyone needs resources inside themselves. Its good to enjoy your own company. What if I just don't like myself enough to want to be alone with my thoughts? They're too spattered and foolish, and I get discouraged. For me to like being alone, my thoughts would actually have to mean something. Or I would need to be creating- if I'm creating, its okay. My creation-in music or rhyme or art-will keep me company and make me feel worthwhile. But my creating spurts are getting less and less...in fact, they're downright scarce now.

What's left is this outside of me- pretty big eyes I've made up so when I pass a mirror I can like myself, messy hair, a sense of helplessness at seconds slipping away, a talk with Mark in the back of my mind, some slice of a song that I decided I really like, a compulsive urge to look through haute couture lookbooks, and an empty house. I don't like it.

Song of the Day

Carried Away

by

Marc Scibilia

As Marc is local to Nashville, I doubt anyone has heard of him before. I was introduced to Marc through a friend who knew the guy who directed this music video, Julian Smith. He's got a Bob Dylan feel to him with his easy going lyrics and wild hair.

My friend says she's gonna marry him...that'd be fine with me! He's lovely. This video is almost as cute as the song itself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAZ4ze8mvws

"Movie Girl"

Having no friends turns you into a movie watching freak. After work, everyone else drives off to their parties and local bars, stays out till 3 am and stumbles home drunk. I clock out, blow a kiss to Jared, and drive home to a movie. Sunny started calling me Movie Girl because every night when I leave, I sit on his desk while he counts out my cash to remit for the day. I tell him about my life, and he tells me about his. We compare school schedules, and I tell him he's my hero: Sunny just turned 2o, but he's manager. He works 45 hours a week, works full time, and just bought a house for himself and his widowed mother. Anyway, he always asks me what movie I'm gonna watch. Usually I go to the library before work to pick out my selection of the day.

I have discovered I have no patience for serious movies. Real life is serious. When I want a movie, I want an escape. I want to see what the world should be like, and go to bed with happy thoughts. I don't want to be shown how dark and gloomy everything is. I'm not saying I'll never watch a serious movie, I do. But they have to be really, really good. Gorgeous cinematography, heartfelt acting, and a really thoughtful message. If I'm not gonna get these things from a serious movie, I don't wanna waste my time.

I'd rather sink into a silly, sweet, happy movie. My brother looks for "colorful" movies...I'm with him. The movies with bright sets: too green grass, too blue ocean, too fantastically color coordinated outfits. I like the movies where they break out into perfect dance steps, or start singing and the whole town joins in. I like movies where the guy and the girl just look like they're gonna live happy. I love clever movies where everybody has the perfect snappy response.

Don't give me something too serious- I live in the real world for that. If I'm gonna watch a movie, sitting all alone on the couch, I want it to make me smile.

Just a few classic smile-worthy movies (many more to come!):

The Sound Of Music

Knight's Tale

Truman Show

High School Musical

King And I

Benny and Joon

Something Beautiful Of The Day

Ah, the redheads. I think there's a part in every American girl that wishes she had flaming red hair. There's something so big and bouncy and brave about it. I feel like a girl with red hair could never be beaten.

Lily Cole is probably the more popular and famous redheaded model, but she's not my favorite. I prefer Cintia Dicker, with her cute nose and perfect lips. I love her feminine look. Of course, nothing can possibly top her amazing hair...

Song of the Day

Soul Sister

by Train

Train is an alt-rock band similar to Counting Crowes. They began in San Fransisco a few years ago, getting some popularity with their hit "Meet Virginia" (a song that I also love). Their biggest hit to date has been Drops Of Jupiter (so tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet..)

Hopefully this song will be even bigger...its light and cheerful and the beginning line, "your lipstick stains, on the front lobe of my left side brain," is absolutely phenomenal.

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#train%20soul%20sister

Just Plain Kate

So it's been nine days since i've last written. I thought I'd be posting every day. But after a long day of school and work, I'd log onto Taken Internally feeling absolutely drained. I had no brilliant pieces of information to share with the world....all I wanted was to sleep, and to tell somebody about my latest school problems. I couldn't put words into meaningful, profound little tidbits to inspire the world with, I couldn't even begin to sort out the random billion feelings inside of me.

Kate is just a normal girl. She has nothing exceptional to share with the world. Kate doesn't have well-planned lectures every night. Most nights, she doesn't even understand herself.

This revelation was rather dissapointing at first. I'd somehow hoped that becoming Kate would make me a more prolific and talented writer. Obviously, that hasn't happened. Kate isn't some genius inside me waiting to be unleashed-Kate is just me. All me.

And so, here I am. I will share my little thoughts. The ones I know aren't perfectly written. I'll let everyone know that I'm too involved in thinking about Sean's muscles to think of something profound. Hey, that's me.

From here on out, welcome to Just Plain Kate. She's got no agenda, she's not a good poet, she's not that cool. She has lots on her mind, and she's going to let you know.

That's my new goal, for Kate to be a girl that you can really get to know. Maybe you'll come to care for her. Maybe you'll relate to my mind, and maybe you'll find a new friend in Kate. I hope so. Because as much as I'd like to be an impressive JD Salinger or Tolstoy, I can't be anything but Just Plain Kate.

Song of the Day

Here Comes Your Man

by Meaghan Smith

As she grew up Ontario, Meaghan was surrounded by music. Her dad was an upright bass player in a band, and "mum", Meaghan says, was a piano teacher.

Her music is inspired by the music of the '20s, '30s, and '40s, and old time musicals.

Here Comes Your Man was featured on the movie 500 Days Of Summer, which is where I discovered it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3KdymSESCs

Side note: This song is actually a remake of an older version done by The Pixies. I don't like it quite as well, but here's the link anyway:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hvi4iA3PnKE

Which do you like better?

So why am I blogging again?

Nothing new is under the sun.

Something Beautiful Of The Day

Haha, you thought I was only going to do pictures of beautiful women in this feature! Well, I was going to, until I started thinking about how many absolutely beautiful things there are on this earth...and then I felt like this section deserved expanding.

Yes, these pictures are real. Welcome to Mt. Zion National Park in Utah, USA. I've personally been there, so I can vouch for the realistic quality of these photos. The landscape is mind blowing. Absolutely incredible. And its there for all of mankind to go and behold and say:

Wow. God.

And that's about all they will get out of their mouths cuz its just too awe inspiring to manage any creative words. But that's the point. He's kinda amazing, eh?

It makes me want to laugh.

Song of the Day

She's Got Style

by

Never Shout Never

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1wHgFpaHDg

Never Shout Never is Christofer Drew Ingle, age 18. He started recording his sensitive little tunes in his basement two years ago, and I (and apparently thousands of others) fell in love with him.

He says the band is NeverShoutNever when he's happy, but Never Shout Never (with the spaces) when he's sad.

Christofer just got an actual record deal, and he will be releasing a full length album. Check out his website at nevershoutnever.com to hear it...I love the song Jane Doe.

Definitely something for a sweet smile. I always have to smile at the first line, every time I listen.

understanding Kate

"She's a remarkably attractive woman."

"isn't she?"

"there's a certian quality about her, a certian fineness. she seems to be absolutely fine and straight.....i don't know how to descrive the quality. i suppose it's breeding."

I closed the book because I had to go to bed, firmly deciding i wanted those words to be said about me. somehow, i wanted people to immediately notice there was a "certian quality" about me, that i was different and unusual. "absolutely fine and straight" something original and attractive. i definitely wanted that to be me, i decided firmly. i had two days to make it work, two days until college started and i had the chance to be this new person. i stood up and stared into the mirror. there i was, myself. a pretty girl. i'm a pretty girl, especially at night when my eyes somehow get bigger and brighter, and my hair has been messed throughout the day and now looks nearly beachy perfect. I close Hemingway and place the book on the counter, quite sure that I will be Lady Brett Ashley in school. yeah right. When you read his Farewell To Arms, you thought you were going to be Catherine Barkley. Now i felt convicted. I had fallen in love with so many women, women i'm sure were going to be me. somehow i was convinced that i could be perfect pieces of all of them. well, why couldn't i? why couldn't i be wide-eyed like Catherine and refined like Brett, while being playful like Zooey Deschanel and ice queen like Angelina Jolie. I could be it all, right? No. At that exact moment, staring into my bathroom mirror, it occured to me. to try to be all of them at once would make me none of them. it would make me an unclear, silly little girl who nobody is interested in because she wasn't anything. she had no defintion. i couldn't do it. i would really have to choose. choose just one, just one of my many female role models who i had treasured. each time i saw one on tv, read a character, watched a character, i would become her. i couldn't do that. i just had to be.....

Kate.

Something Beautiful Of The Day

I think Keira Knightley is one of the most beautiful women on earth. That's why I went kinda overboard on the pictures...I just couldn't choose my favorites. I can explain why she's so gorgeous...there's a sleekness, an elegance to her. She's lithe and regal, ever so classy. Its in those structured cheekbones, slender neck and body. But at the same time there's a feature of smallness, of innocence, of youth. Its in the doe eyes and gentle mouth. A face says so much, and so much beauty of the face is in what its says. I love the perfectly mixed statements in Keira...the innocence and elegance combined, I think, is undeniably perfect.

Song of the Day

Today's song is

Russian Roulette by Rihanna

It has not yet been released and I have just discovered it. Soon it will be a huge hit.

In a few weeks I'm sure the world will already be sick of it and everyone will have heard it a million times...but right now, it is new and moving. I guess its obvious she's hurting, I feel sorry for her. Hopefully she'll pull herself back together, and this song will help the healing process.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq1iRZ7U-uE

God foundations

I used to argue points with people because I was absolutely sure I was right, and if they only heard how I reasonable my viewpoint was, they would change their mind. After all, my belief made more sense. I thought I could use deductive thought processes and other fancy ideas to define right and wrong, and that eventually everyone would always have to face it and agree with me. I thought I could win these arguments without ever bringing God into the picture. I thought the right way made enough sense that it wasn't neccessary to include God when trying to change people's minds.

Madeline hooked up with lots of guys, and then she'd dump them when her interest wore out or another came. She didn't feel bad about it. I thought I make her stop by using logic. "what if you get an STD?" "What if you actually get attatched and then he dumps you?" "Don't you care about all the boys you leave hurt and lonely in your wake?" "what if you get pregnant?"...but she had answers to it all. Finally I used what I was sure would be the final point. "that can't really make you happy, knowing what you're doing." She shrugged. "But I am. I like not having to depend on anyone, and doing whatever I want." but-but-but- "but its WRONG!" I burst out. She shrugged again. "Maybe, but I don't care. I'm happy. That's all I understand."

And that last part explained it. That was all she understood-happiness. My arguments on right and wrong, safety, and not hurting others didn't mattter to her. All she thought about was her own happiness. My reasoning would go nowhere.

My friend was starting to smoke pot. He knew it was dangerous to his body, he knew it was illegal, he knew that while smoking it he would do things he wasn't in control of. My good points didn't matter, he felt no guilt. He didn't care what he did. He wanted to smoke, he liked the feeling of losing control, he didn't like having his sensibilities cuz then he was sad. In fact, trying to explain why I wouldn't join in made no sense to him. It was fun for him at the moment, and I couldn't disagree with that. And beyond that, what mattered?

My sister said it best: "Well what do you expect of someone who doesn't believe in anything?"

And then it made such sense. All the points that I thought of as reasonable and well-founded were based on morals and convictions. Based on what God wanted. These kids didn't care what God wanted. My "strong points" had no impact on them. They didn't have anything to believe, anything to use as a guidline, just their passing emotion. What is sensible is what is right, but if nobody cares what is right, then nobody will be sensible, because why bother? And the only reason people want to do something right is if they want to follow God. Eventually, I found the bottom line:

without God, there IS no sensibility.

Something Beautiful Of The Day

So here, eventually, under "Something Beautiful Of The Day" will be photos of models runways, magazine photoshoots, and other glamorous extravaganzas.

But to begin, I feel like it'd be appropriate to start with an original beauty, before we had photoshop to make just everything gorgeous.

Hello world now caught up in Megan Fox, meet someone classy. Someone stunning. Someone still halfway natural.

Grace Kelly:

Song of the Day

The song of the day is

Loop A Loop

by The Crimea

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xNz0CcEPOs

Meet The Crimea, a nobody band started in the 2000s. Apparently they mostly tour around Texas. Its a relaxed, moody sound. Its the song I put on when I get home late at night and just feel frustrated.

Download the whole album free at: http://www.thecrimea.net/

Thoughts on the song selection?

Taken Internally

Have you read the warning on the labels of bottles that instructs "Not to be taken internally"?

I was in the shower today when I read these words for the millionth time, this time on the back of a shampoo bottle. It is a "duh" instruction, one of those rules that we all know without having to be told.

But I understood something about myself. I ignore those warnings. I take everything internally. Every little conversation, song, idea, adventure or moment of aloneness I take internally. It all goes deep inside; I have no option for "ignore" or "take no notice." Even on bottles with the "do not take internally" written in big red letters, I cannot help myself. It forces its way down my throat and into my brain processes and secret thoughts.

Perhaps that's why I'm so poisoned.

Kate

My name isn't Kate. Its not even close. I don't even particularly like the name Kate.

But Kate is a short, simple, earthy name. I tend to be the girl who is overly romantic, and usually end up just cheesy. So I avoided naming myself London, Faye, Summer, or any of the other maple syrup-style names. I will be Kate.

Kate is a wanderer. She has only recently come to terms with the fact that she doesn't know exactly who she is because she is a different person every morning. She is stupidly idealistic, uncontrollably perfectionist, easily moved, and a bitter pessimist. Kate knows exactly what she is looking for but doubts it exists. She demands absolute beauty in herself, but doesn't think she has the ability to be absolutely beautiful. Kate can't keep herself in one place or thought for long, and she's always exploding.

Kate is a simple name, but Kate is anything but simple.